I have a lot of think to write to you…
Do you know you changed my life? Do you know you came into my life without I realize it? How is it possible to love a person that you have never seen and is so far away? Well, I did it, it could seems strange, but it suddenly happened.
Someone say that to love you, you would have literally saved me… for example make me stop cutting or make me believe I have to love myself… I spend most time of my life, I tried my best to not cry even though I need do to it, but I was “strong” enough to not do it and so a lot of people still think I am strong just because I have not shown any weakness… everybody respect me, no one has never insulted me also because I have always had a sharp reply and I have never been offended because I don’t care what people think about me. But there is something I still can’t understand… With some friends of mine I feel keep out, yeah.. keep out of the group. My “best friend” still tries to discover why I acted in a strenge way some months ago… She will never discover it because I am strong… What if she changes her opinion about me? She will think I am a weak and awful girl, but maybe this is what I am. She is pretty, strong and she also has a perfect boyfriend… I envy her, I envy even her marks because they are the best while mine are in the average-high range of marks… Everyone want to stay with her and sometimes they forget about me. They ramble on tell me “ I love you”, without even really know me, because not even me know myself… maybe one day I can make something insane, I can kill myself… But apart from this things, my life is going well thanks to you… you fill up every emptiness I had…. now I have not any more teen-agers complex that I used to have… It doesn’t matter whether I am fat or not… well, obviously I had a little bit of envy, but I always had it… I will never cry amymore every single night because I am not welcomed by my mates… No, I will never do it again, NEVER! I will always try to take the right way as you taught me… I will never go to the bad, I will never think any more about things that even exists… Some nights ago, I dreamt about you… You were in my house and you were opposite to me, I did not realise that that person was you… Then you suddenly turned around and I saw you… Oh my gosh Demi, you were beautiful… your blond hair long until you shoulder… you were perfect! I started crying and you asked my “Why are you crying? I am here with you, look at me”and then you hugged me . I was looking for a pen to get an autograph, but I couldn’t find any… so you wrote down you autograph with a pen you had in your hair… Yeah, this part of the dream was very strange… But the very important thing is that I really felt that hug, it wasn’t a ghost one… It seemed so real… One day I will get it, I will hug you… I will see you… I will be able to hear you singing and so I can finally be free of burden… Only you will be there for me… I am very very sorry because I did not come to Milan but I did not do it on purpose. I did it not because I did not want to see you, but due to I was afraid because some guys, that are lovatic also since for years, could insult me because I am lovatic since two months… Maybe you will think “ok, she is so ridiculous, she is lovatic only from two months” and I am sorry, but I feel guilty because I wasn’t there when you were in rehab, I was only a fan, a common fan… But I swear, from now on, I will be there for you and I will NEVER leave you.
Thank you Demi for everything you did and you will do for me… Thank you so much ❤
One of your lovatics
Twitter : @hejgaga