It’s about time I told you the truth of the reason why I am a Lovatic and why I feel very close to you emotionally. I feel like me and you could be really close friends. Best friends even. You’re not my idol. I must make that very clear as it’s needed to explain the level of admiration and respect I have for you. Not in anyway do I look up to you as a role model. I have never been through anything you have been through. Other than suffering mild bullying in school I have never faced any of the issues you have faced. But for some reason I know things about you and about what you do without even personally talking to you or finding it out through media sources or you speaking about it in an interview. For some reason what I assume becomes correct. I feel like I really understand you on a personal level somehow. I don’t know how I do it, I just do. It’s as natural to me as breathing. I just do it without even thinking about it and it turns out that I am always right. If I could only talk about this with you and tell you just how it is for me, I think you’d be astonished by the things I feel and the things I know. Or creeped out. Hopefully not though. I’ve always been able to get you Demi. I’ve always had this extremely strange ability where I can assume or predict something about you or about how you might feel and it turns out it’s true. And I won’t lie, I’m quite frightened that I somehow know these things about you before you’ve even said anything or before I have actually found out the cold hard truth. But I guess it just proves that I was meant to be a fan of you from the beginning.
Also, I’m not sure how you’d take this but I’m gonna say it anyway. I’ve realized that I never liked you when I discovered you because I knew and felt things about you. And I didn’t like the things I knew and felt so instead of pulling myself closer to you, I pushed myself away. I was scared of you. Or rather I was intimidated by you. Because I could see behind your facade which at the time I didn’t know was a facade and it scared me. You scared me. My own thoughts and feelings scared me. So I did everything I could to ignore you and deny my gut-wrenching feelings. Now as it stands today I realize, maybe it was a good thing I knew what I did about you. Maybe I was meant to know and feel these things by fate. And maybe, just maybe, God put you in my life so I could learn a lesson about myself and about the way I treat people around me. I think knowing you taught me how to find myself and who I really was. I believe discovering you was the key to opening my own door. And I never understood that to begin with. I was always asking myself why I had to feel and know what I did about you. I didn’t want to. Believe me I really didn’t want to know you. But evidently my thoughts and feelings told me otherwise. It was out of my control. I honestly believe I wouldn’t be who i am now if I had never known you. If I had never discovered you. If I had never felt and known what I did about you I don’t think I’d even know myself. I wanted you to know that because for a long time I viewed this crazy and weird emotional connection I have with you as a burden. Now I believe that I was meant to know who you are. And for that reason I’ll view my uncontrollable connection with you as a gift and cherish it forever.
You will not lose me Demi. I will stand beside you always. Loving you, caring about you and supporting you. I love, admire and respect you with all of my heart and soul and I cannot thank you enough for the answers you’ve given me in life. For everything you’ve taught me about myself and for continually and consistently inspiring me to be who I am today. You’re everything to me even if you’re not my idol.
PS. If we ever meet, if we have time, I will tell you this in person over a cup of coffee and ask you some questions about your work and your voice which also intrigues me greatly. Until then my dear have a nice day.
Stay as you are,