#36 From Sam to Demi

Dear Demi,

 I could not have been more excited when I came across this blog and realized that I now have the chance to share my story with you and that you might actually see it. I logged on to my email as fast as possible so I could begin writing my letter. Everything I have ever wanted to say to you came flooding through my mind and no matter how hard I tried, I just could not put any of it into words. I dream about the day I may get the honor of meeting you; and I imagine i will not be able to speak then either. It’s just because I get so emotional whenever I think about all you’ve done for me and everyone else who’s lives you have changed. 
 
Demi, I know you hear this a lot, but you really did save my life. In more ways than you can imagine. I always thought that I was being selfish. People out there have it worse than I do, and here I am feeling sorry for myself.  It wasn’t that I was necessarily planning on committing suicide, though the thought did cross my mind many times. It was more like if something bad were to happen to me I really wouldn’t have cared. Forcing myself to believe suicide was not the option, I fought hard to make it through every day. It was like each day, something bad had to happen, or I had to screw something up. With nowhere else to turn at the time, I turned to self harm among other things to try to make myself feel better. You know as well as I do that self medication only works temporarily. At the end of the day, all of those thoughts and emotions and problems are still going to be there if you don’t face them. I fell farther and farther into deep depression and literally went numb. Although I kept my pain a secret, deep down I wanted someone to notice. I wanted someone to care. But of course no one did. Why would they? 
 
You always find a way to say or do the perfect thing at the perfect time. One night, as I lay in my bed hating myself, as I did every night, something on my phone reminded me that Skyscraper had been released and I had forgotten to listen to it. So, I pulled myself together and played the song. Within seconds, I burst into tears again. But this was a different kind of crying. Now I was crying because I had let this go on for so long. I was crying because for once something actually made me feel better; it was your music. I have always been a fan. Since the very beginning. I remember how much I related to Mitchie in Camp Rock. How ‘This is Me’ was literally my life in a nutshell. But there was something about Skyscaper– something very powerful. And then, when you were brave enough to share your story, suddenly I was brave enough to face mine. Suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore. Finally, someone actually cared about me. Cared enough to go out on Television and say hey, I’m not perfect. It’s okay not to be okay. You can do this. I’m here for you. Always love yourself. Stay Strong. 
 
Demi, I don’t have to fight through my days as much anymore. Yes, there are some days when I fall back into a slump, but you and your music quickly pull me back out. This summer in particular has been absolutely terrible. But everyone has their bad days, you said so yourself.  No, I never did go through with suicide and I never will, but I still wasn’t really living. Sure I was breathing, but that was about it. Now, especially after the release of Warrior, I am more alive than I have ever been. And I owe it all to you for opening my eyes and showing me that it really was going to be okay. As I knelt over the toilet bowl, toothbrush I hand I thought, Demi would be so upset with me right now. She let the world know her deepest secrets to stop me from doing this and I am ignoring her. Shes working so hard for me and this is the thanks I give her? I’ve stopped everything Demi. I really have, I promise. All I needed was one person to care a little bit, and you did that and more. 
 
Your concert at the PNC Bank Arts Center on June 22, 2012 was the best night of my entire life. I can’t even  express how grateful I am to have you to look up to. There are no words. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I love you with all of my heart. Thank you. Thank you so much.  Keep doing what you’re doing. You truly are saving lives.
 
Love always, 
Sam

xox

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